Life of a wallflower

I hate being in love. I hate that I love him so much. I hate it because it hurts me every second not to be with him, not knowing, if he loves me back. He said he is still in love with me, but things can change so easily. I know he loved me for the post 11 years and that's what I did. But what if he just meets a girl and falls madly in love with her? I'd be glad for him but until then? I get he needs some more time, but how much longer will he take. How much longer can I take before going completely nuts.
Last night we were at a friends house celebrating his birhtday. Everything just hurts and screams. His face is pure perfection and when he laughs it just feels like someone stabbing me. His voice is so soft and mine is ridiculously high pitched. I just can't see him without knowing, if he can ever love me again. Because I am so despertly in love with him